I Have a Question About Tithing?

What should I do if I want to tithe, but my unbelieving husband doesn't?

This is actually a complex question since there may be several pieces to the puzzle, like:

• Are both spouses working?

• Do you use one combined account? (BTW- yes, you should)

• How's the communication in the marriage?

• What's the tension factor surrounding the topic?

• Etc.

First, the simplest answer is if YOU are not generating any income then your tithe is $0.00.  But, if you ARE generating income then there are some ways you can approach this subject.

Second, keep the main thing in mind. That is, your first desire is for your husband to come to Christ. If tithing produces a resentful attitude towards the church and your faith, then drop it. Focus on living the kind of life that would draw him towards Christ, not push him away.

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” (1 Peter 3:1–2, ESV)

If there is a good marriage relationship and the spouse is not hostile towards Christianity, you could ask him if he's okay with you tithing off of your income only if you're working outside the home.

If you're not working outside the home and he's the sole breadwinner, then you might have a conversation like the one below (These comments are borrowed from John Piper, pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church)  

"Could I count any of your income as mine and have discretion over it? Because I work: I keep this house, I keep our children. I'm full-time here. This is a partnership. I know that you go outside for work, but I do the home. I make this happen."

And then, not to deceive him in any way, but totally open and above board so that he knows where she's going, she could ask, "Can I count some of your income as discretionary for me? I know that it's not your preference to give money to what you don't believe in, but you know that I believe in this, and it's helping me—I hope—be a really good wife for you. I'm faithful to you. I serve you. I'm physically and sexually there for you. I admire many things about you. I'm glad I'm married to you." (I think a Christian wife can say those kinds of things to an unbelieving husband.)

And then humbly say, "I know you don't want us to give ten percent of our income away, but can we just come up with a number that is mine to work with?" And I would guess that an unbelieving husband would do that. At least, that would be the direction that I would go. Then she would tithe what she senses and he agrees is her appropriate share.

Finally, if He still feels that's too much for you to give to the church, I might suggest you say something like, "Well, okay, but since my faith is something deeply important to me and I want to express that in support of my church, is there an amount you would be okay with me giving?"

If there's no amount he would ever be okay with, then that would indicate that the marriage isn't actually healthy and I would recommend you handle it as stated above - drop the issue and focus on building a healthy marriage and pray for his salvation.

What would you add?